Shopping, Comfy Stuff and a Surprise

Being selected for the Gratitude Hike has opened up lots of doors and windows...to the sporting goods store & online retailers! 

For a girl who doesn't love to shop I have definitely enjoyed getting lots of new clothing and gear for this trip!

(Ok, ok I'll admit I do like to online shop and have the merchandise 'magically' appear on the front porch courtesy of my friendly neighborhood UPS driver, who by some coincidence, is married to my dog walker.  He leaves dog treats along with the packages on the porch.)

For this trip, I've had a few packages delivered from stores I rarely (REI) or never (EMS) shopped before:  Cozy, yet 'rugged' hiking pants, a pair of the softest fleece pants I've ever worn & hiking underwear (I never knew they made special undies for hiking, but they are amazingly soft too!). 

One evening I spent more time than I'd like to admit climbing all over the "rock" in the shoe section of my local REI.  I must've tried on every pair of women's hiking shoes.  Twice.  I finally settled on the super comfy Merrells.  They feel like pillows when I put them on my feet. 

After deciding on the shoes, it was on to the socks.  Wool?  No too itchy.  Lite Hiker, Thick Hiker, CoolMax, SmartMax...I don't even know but I finally found three pair that are so cozy & soft.

Next it was off to the backpack section.  I love that they have backpack fitting experts at REI.  And these large bean bags to fill up the packs with different weights when you're trying them on.  The pack I selected is a fun turquoise color.  But it also fits well and after loading it up & wearing it on a few hikes in my area, I would go so far as to say I love it. 

Lastly, the backpack expert helped me pick out a water reservoir ("Get the largest, you never know!") and by now the store was closed, but no one seemed to mind.

This weekend my brother Mike gave me a Bear Grylls Survival Kit.  A very thoughtful gift, although it makes me a little nervous to think of myself actually needing it!

One small item I picked up has had me smiling - it's a small thermos.  One of the other hikers on this trip suggested it might be nice to carry a hot drink to enjoy at the summit if the weather is cold.  While doing some last minute errands, I found a small one I thought would work well for me; it's stainless steel and has a lovely purple 'grippy' middle that feels good when you hold it.  I like how stuff feels (clearly).  When I got the thermos home and was washing it, I noticed in small print "HERO" on the sticker.  I had to look at it a few times, then I even went on the company's website to confirm what my eyes would not believe...it was indeed a HERO line of mugs and cups. 

With all this shopping, planning and preparing, I've learned & experienced so many things that I wouldn't have expected.  It has me excited & anxious to see what lies ahead...I might just turn into a
mountain woman. I don't know yet what that even means, but I think I like it.

Now I just hope I can fit all this stuff in my suitcase! 

The Gift of Peace

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” ~A.A. Milne

Last week I was reluctantly inducted into a community I never wished to be a part of.  It was inevitable of course, I knew that.  I just never knew how much I wouldn't want to go there and how hard it would be.

As much as we might will them, dogs don't live forever.

Before last week, I did not know what it would be like to say goodbye to a beloved friend.  I have known many people who have lost their pets; had to make that gut-wrenching decision.  My only condolences to them were, "I'm so sorry.  I cannot imagine."

I couldn't imagine it.  I didn't really want to either.  Why go there, right?  If you've read any of my other posts, you know I don't like to be sad.  I choose happy. 

I now know what it feels like to say that difficult goodbye to a four legged friend.  I know what countless others have felt.  Frankly it's miserable.  It's sad.  It's traumatic.  It caused me physical pain. 

But the other thing I now know is, it's an amazing gift we can give them; that gift of peace.  It's a powerful honor to spare them any more sickness. It's a way to love them like you've never loved before.

What seemed like an impossible choice, was of course, the right one and I'm thankful I could make it.  I'm at peace and now, just a week later, I'm able to focus on the memories and not the scary sad stuff.

And my oh my are there some memories - I could have another blog entirely devoted to Hero and her antics over the years.

For now though, I want to say a huge THANK YOU!

The support I've received from family & friends has been tremendous.  When the link to Hero's Tribute was posted on the Following Atticus Facebook Page, I received more than 100 comments offering support & kind words.  Dozens more here on my blog.  A beautiful bouquet of flowers was sent from a group of women I volunteer with.  Another bunch of flowers from the family across the street.  Their six year old son even offered to give me his dog!  My other neighbor and friend wrote a poem for Hero which I will cherish forever.

Hero's Poem by Kati

I have so much to be grateful for, so many fun times with Hero & and so much to look forward to in the coming weeks. (13 days and counting!)     



Hero's Tribute

Hero at one of her favorite lakes on Friday

Today I made the agonizing decision to say goodbye to my much-loved Hero.  She has been my constant companion for more than 14 years.  She's been wild and fun, spunky and sassy, independent and aloof, but mostly she's been an incredible friend.

Hero was sick for only 3 days.  Despite her 14 years she was in great health with just some mild arthritis and moderate hearing loss.  She still wanted - I mean demanded- her daily walks.  She loved the trails and ponds in our neighborhood.  Lately, we've been hiking at Hemlock Bluffs Nature Preserve; it's got some steeper trails & I've been going there to get ready for the Gratitude Hike.

Just last weekend, at Hero's request, we were sprinting full throttle at a trail near my house. I could barely keep up with her.

Over the last week I noticed she wasn't as interested in her food.  Wednesday this week she didn't eat at all. By Thursday morning, I knew she was sick and took her to the Animal Hospital at Peak Plaza where the wonderful & compassionate veterinarian Dr. Lindsay Warner has cared for her.  Lots of tests later, a small but aggressive tumor was discovered on her heart.  They said it had probably only been there a couple weeks at most.  It was causing bleeding around her heart and it couldn't be removed.  At Hero's age, heart surgery was not something I was interested in anyway.

I was given the option to attempt to provide Hero some relief by draining some of the blood that had collected around her heart.  At most it would give me a little extra time to spoil her, but there was no cure.

The procedure worked and I am so incredibly grateful for these last couple days spent with Hero.  We had visits from family & friends.  Hero swam & relaxed at her favorite park where we used to hike around the lake for miles and miles.  She ate chicken and mini-powdered sugar donuts.  But mostly she was home, with me and Louie.  Right where she loved to be.

After going through it a million different ways in my head, one text from my dear aunt that said, "There is no wrong decision," a call from a friend this morning that helped me realize that this truly is the hardest thing I'll ever do, I looked into Hero's eyes and knew I had to let her go. 

I am sad, so sad to lose this friend who has been with me for longer than any other friend I've known.  But I am also grateful for so many things:

• She had 14 GREAT years and was only truly sick for a few days
• She got to spend her last nights at home in her own bed(s) (she has several around the house!)
• I was able to be with her all day on Thursday while she was tested, poked and drained
• I held and kissed her for her very last moments 

Also, without Hero, I wouldn't have Louie. It was Hero's wild ways that led me to bring another dog into our home. When Hero was about 6-7 years old, I finally decided I couldn't keep up with her and she needed a playmate she could REALLY wrestle with. After a couple years of on and off searching for the right 'fit', Louie came into our lives. It was 'like' at first sight (Hero may have loved him, but she'd never let it show). They bonded in their own way and enjoyed wrestling matches a lot in those first few years, and in later years have simply enjoyed each other's company.

Louie and Hero on Friday

Without Hero I am not sure I would have ever ventured into the woods or enjoyed the numerous parks, trails, hiking areas, lakes & ponds in our area.  Without Hero's insistence at walking no matter the weather, I may never have discovered the feeling I get when we take our walks and the beauty of being outside in all seasons.  I may not have accepted my invitation to the Gratitude Hike, because I never would have considered myself the mountain-hiking type before Hero!    

Hero's adventurous spirit is a part of me now and I intend to honor and remember her in ways that meant the most to us both:  Running, hiking, splashing in the lake, sitting on the porch, tipping my head into the breeze.

I also intend to carry her spirit with me on the Gratitude Hike.  It is Hero I'll be hiking for that day.

I have discovered this week that the heartache we feel is equal to the depth of the love we shared and I wouldn't have it any other way.

12 turns to 23 and I’m thinking, “Why Me?"

"In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy." ~Brother David Steindl-Rast

When the Gratitude Hike was first announced, there were going to be 12 Following Atticus followers invited.  I was one of the first selected to go, as I was one of the first to comment on the Facebook post, along with Jack Daley.

Patricia & Ed were selected as part of the initial group when they took Atticus with them "in spirit" by bringing the Following Atticus book along on a hike the day Atticus was having surgery to remove his cancer. 

Followers were then given the opportunity to write in to be selected for the remaining eight spots on the hike.  The response was tremendous - much more than the 50-75 emails Tom & his Facebook page moderators expected.  They received over 1400 emails from people all over the country, even some from overseas who wanted to join this hike. 

OVER 1400!

There were so many deserving people, they kept increasing the number of spots on the hike. It went from 12 to 18.  Then 23.  Almost two dozen people selected for this incredible opportunity!

When the announcements came in that the list was growing & response so great, I was still in a bit of shock and disbelief.  I felt lucky to have been among the first selected. But I also felt less deserving because I didn't write in and ask for the chance to go.

I was torn between overwhelming excitement & feeling like others (in that stack of 1400 emails!) may have deserved this more than me.  Maybe they needed it more than me.  Maybe...a thousand maybes went through my mind.

I will share with you parts of an email I sent to Tom the day the full list of hikers was to be announced.

Hi Tom,

I wanted to send you a quick note to let you know I've been thinking about the Gratitude Hike & my purpose in being there. Being selected because I was the first person to comment on the Facebook post feels very serendipitous to me. I believe in "everything happens for a reason", "right place, right time" and now your "right where you're supposed to be" very much. But after the hundreds others who wrote in and the select few who have been handpicked by your trusted team, I started to think I didn't really deserve this special opportunity.  

I found out later it wasn't simply because I was the first to comment that I was selected. The team was selected for various reasons, but a lot of it had to do with energy, positivity and how we each had contributed to the Following Atticus page. Given that I've only been following Atticus for a short time, I'm even more humbled and grateful to be among this special group. The others have expressed their humility and gratitude as well.

 

It's a huge gift we've all been given and I'm excitedly counting down the days (see my countdown clock on the right!) until we're all together and we see what unfolds during the Gratitude Hike. 

 

Here is the last part of my email that day:

I've really been thinking about it a lot the last few days...Perhaps it'll lead me to give back or pay it forward in ways I haven't quite grasped yet. I'm sure it's a combination of these things, or other reasons I have yet to determine.

Just like your book & Facebook posts have inspired me and so many others, I really want this hike to have meaning and purpose for me...I'm going to make the most of it and see where it (and Atticus) leads me.

On that Note...

There's a great little place near my house that serves ice cream all summer. It's a little walk-up outbuilding in a grocery store parking lot. Father & son team Rich & Richie make it fun for everyone with parking lot games, movies running on a little TV and their big NY personalities. Just the kind of place that is all around adorable in a small town. 

 

Yesterday I saw a notice that they were starting up their fall coffee & pastry menu again.  I thought it was fitting to make this my first stop this morning.

 

After all, you're guaranteed a good day when you start it at a place called Happy Holly's, right?

 

 

Choose Happy

"Choose to be optimistic, it feels better" ~Dalai Lama XIV

 

About a month ago I received an invitation for an exciting & unique opportunity.  To say it was a surprise is an understatement.  I can't quite explain the feelings of excitement, joy, honor & total shock when I discovered my name in the comments section of the Following Atticus Facebook post as one of the first few selected to join author Tom Ryan and Atticus on a hike in the White Mountains of New Hampshire on October 5.

 

Following Atticus is Tom Ryan's remarkable true story of climbing mountains with his little dog, Atticus M. Finch and the challenge of a lifetime. Together Tom & Atticus attempted to scale all forty-eight of New Hampshire’s 4,000 foot White Mountains twice in the dead of winter. 

 

A few months ago, a friend recommended I read Following Atticus. My first thought was, I'm not reading a book about a dog if the dog dies in the end. I have never enjoyed books or movies with sad endings. I can handle a few tears here and there, but I figure, why subject myself to crying sad tears when I don't have to? It's a choice and I always choose happy. 

 

At my friend's insistence, I picked up Following Atticus from the library and after reading a few chapters, I was hooked.  It is just such a wonderful story about taking steps toward building the life you want for yourself and remaining positive because that really is the only way to 'be'.

 

This message struck a chord with me because I have made a conscious effort over the last several years to be a more positive person.  It is important to me when faced with a challenge or when I'm in a situation that frankly sucks to take a step back and see what is the good in all this?  What can I learn from this and where will I be if I spin it around to see the good side?  It's not always easy, but I try.

 

In the book, on his blog & on the Facebook page, Tom Ryan shares a similar philosophy.  His mantra is "We are right where we're supposed to be."  It's hard to believe sometimes that he can be so positive when you consider the journey he's on right now with Atticus.  You see, right when I finished reading Following Atticus & started catching up with them on Facebook, Atticus was diagnosed with cancer.  He had one toe amputated & is now undergoing a few months of chemotherapy.

 

Every day I would check for updates on Atticus. Every day there was an uplifting message, photo or quote that inspired me more than the last.  It has reinforced my own choice to always find the good in any situation. 

 

One day about a month ago, there was a post about a hike Tom was thinking about doing in October.  Even though he and Atticus prefer to hike just the two of them, Tom wanted to show his thanks to the Facebook community that has been so supportive during this cancer journey with Atticus.  He was considering inviting a group of about a dozen on a one-day hike in the White Mountains in New Hampshire at the peak of foliage season.  To me this sounded like the most perfect day, so I wrote that in a comment on the Facebook post.

 

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that just a few hours later I would check the post again and see my name as one of the first few selected for this hike! I think I read and re-read it at least a dozen times to be sure I wasn't imagining it! I didn't even pause to decide, I KNEW I was going on this adventure of a lifetime. No matter that I've never hiked a mountain in my life or that I would be among a group of virtual 'strangers', or that it all seemed too good to be true; I just knew that by saying yes, by choosing to accept that I had been chosen, I would no doubt be led to something extraordinary on this most amazing journey. And that has made me so happy.